Advice
The Uncomfortable Truth About Will Power: Why 87% of Self-Help Fails
Here's something your life coach won't tell you: will power is basically a muscle that gets tired, and most of us are treating it like it's some sort of magical superpower that should work 24/7.
I've been watching people struggle with behaviour change for the better part of two decades now, and frankly, it's exhausting seeing the same mistakes over and over again. Just last month, I had a client — let's call him Dave — who'd bought every productivity book from Brisbane to Perth, downloaded seventeen habit-tracking apps, and still couldn't stop checking his phone during important meetings. Sound familiar?
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The Myth That's Destroying Your Progress
Most people think will power works like an on/off switch. You either have it or you don't. Absolute rubbish. Will power is more like your phone battery — it depletes throughout the day, and if you don't manage it properly, you'll be running on empty when you need it most.
I learnt this the hard way back in 2009 when I tried to quit smoking, start exercising, and launch my consulting business all at the same time. Epic disaster.
The research backs this up too — studies show that people who try to change multiple behaviours simultaneously have only a 3% success rate. Yet we keep doing it because we think we're somehow different or special.
What Actually Works (And It's Not What You Think)
Forget everything you've heard about motivation and just focus on these three things:
Environment Design Your environment is either working for you or against you. There's no neutral ground here. If you want to eat healthier, don't keep junk food in your house and then rely on will power to resist it. That's like trying to stay dry while standing in the rain.
I worked with a Sydney marketing manager who couldn't stop online shopping during work hours. Instead of trying to resist the urge, we simply blocked the shopping websites on her work computer. Problem solved in about five minutes.
Identity Shift This is where most people get it completely wrong. They focus on what they want to do instead of who they want to become.
Instead of saying "I want to exercise more," try "I am someone who prioritises my health." It sounds like semantic nonsense, but it works because your brain wants to maintain consistency with your identity.
Micro-Habits Start ridiculously small. I mean embarrassingly small. Want to read more? Start with one page per day. Want to meditate? Start with thirty seconds.
James Clear talks about this in Atomic Habits, and he's absolutely right. The goal isn't to achieve anything meaningful on day one — it's to establish the neural pathway.
The Real Reason Most People Fail
Here's the thing nobody wants to admit: most people fail because they're trying to change for the wrong reasons. They want to impress someone else, or they think they should change, or they're running away from something instead of running towards something.
I see this constantly in corporate training. Companies send their staff to managing difficult conversations workshops, then wonder why nothing changes. It's because the employee doesn't actually want to get better at difficult conversations — they just want to avoid getting in trouble with HR.
Real change only happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Until then, you're just playing games with yourself.
The Science Behind Self-Control
Your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain responsible for executive decisions — is essentially a toddler having a tantrum most of the time. It gets tired easily, it wants immediate gratification, and it throws a fit when it doesn't get its way.
This is why you can eat perfectly all day and then demolish a family-size block of chocolate at 9 PM. Your brain is tired, and it's reverting to autopilot.
The solution isn't to fight this system — it's to work with it. Schedule your most important decisions for when your brain is fresh. For most people, that's first thing in the morning.
What the Productivity Gurus Get Wrong
There's a whole industry built around convincing you that you just need the right system, the right app, the right morning routine. Complete nonsense.
I've seen people with the most sophisticated productivity setups achieve absolutely nothing, and I've seen others with a simple notebook change their entire life trajectory.
The tool doesn't matter. Your relationship with the tool matters.
Building Sustainable Change
Here's my framework for anyone serious about dealing with difficult behaviours — including your own:
Week 1-2: Observation Only Don't try to change anything. Just notice. When do you engage in the behaviour you want to change? What triggers it? How do you feel before, during, and after?
Most people skip this step because it's boring, but it's the most important part of the process.
Week 3-4: Environmental Changes Make it easier to do the right thing and harder to do the wrong thing. Remove friction from good behaviours and add friction to bad ones.
Week 5-8: Implementation Start with your new micro-habit. Track it, but don't judge it. You're building a muscle here, not training for the Olympics.
Week 9+: Iteration Gradually increase the intensity or frequency. But only after the behaviour has become automatic.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Failure
You're going to fail. Multiple times. The difference between people who ultimately succeed and those who give up is how they interpret failure.
Successful people see failure as data. Unsuccessful people see it as evidence that they're broken.
When you inevitably slip up — and you will — ask yourself: "What can I learn from this?" instead of "Why am I such a failure?"
Why This Matters More Than Ever
We're living in an environment designed to hijack our attention and drain our will power. Every app, website, and advertisement is engineered by teams of neuroscientists and behavioural economists whose job is to make you act against your own best interests.
The companies with the biggest budgets are literally betting against your self-control. If you don't actively develop these skills, you're going to lose.
Start Tomorrow (Not Monday)
Pick one tiny behaviour you want to change. Not three. Not five. One.
Make it so small that you'd feel stupid NOT doing it.
Then do it for seven days in a row.
That's it.
Everything else is just noise designed to make you feel like you need to buy something or sign up for something or download something.
You don't.
You just need to start.
The rest will figure itself out.
Note: If you're dealing with serious behavioural issues like addiction, please seek professional help. Will power alone isn't enough for clinical conditions.